The Code Crusader

Dear blog, I have a problem. And yes, it is about career. Earlier I saw someone carrying a IT manual and some softwares so I thought "hmmmm nice, he's having the same interest as I have in those information". You see, I was given a chance before to handle those information and "technology"(I'll try to generalize so as not to give a hint about what im talking about incase you know..the company..). And later, after I logged in at my PC, my teammate told me, "hey, I heard the other guy will be handling those information and technology you like and he was given a training more prestigious than you guys". So yeah, I was quiet shocked. I was given a training almost like that before but not with a price tag like that. Jealous? I dont think so. I believe he also deserves it since he's been working here longer than me, he's a humble officemate and he'll be tackling the same technology that I'm interested in. I think what bothers me right now is the fact that why did they only give the training to him? I mean yeah, granted that he also deserves it and it's nice to have someone whom who can talk to incase problems arises but don't I deserve it also? I will also be tackling the same information and technology as he will be. Also, I already had a previous training, dont they think that I needed supplementary education for advance stuff? Do they think Im not capable to handle it? Does this happen to be linked about my error before in one of the systems? hayz.. I'm quite frustrated right now. I hope they do have better plans for my career. Im a neophyte. They know that I'd like much exposure as much as possible. My co-neophytes and being given other positions or offered other positions that somehow sounds like a promotion. I don't want to be stagnant here. What will I do blog?

Before this, my last post was about the certification exam that I've been doubting to take. After three days of posting that blog, I decided to take the first part of the exam that would be held in November. One of my friend, Kutch, who's been reviewing and handling the "technology" for more years has been urging me to take it with him. I guess I would consider him as one of the people who believes in my skill and wanted me to take the exam with him. After weeks of reviewing, I finally finished reviewing our manual, my friend on the other have been reviewing other materials and test exams on the net while I only relied on the "manual" and a "braindump" so I could get some overview of how the questions would look like and where I should really concentrate.

It was already November when I finished my so called review that I was doing whenever I'm at work and totally stopped reviewing less than two weeks before the first-part exam. I also asked my supervisor to put my two day's-off before the exam so I could re-scan my materials. I've been relaxing for days thinking "ok, I'll just re-scan my materials on my day-off" which was kinda great since I could relax my mind. Now the bad part was, on my first day-off I decided to slack off thinking I could review the next day which was a bad decision. Night came on my first day-off, my supervisor told me one of our teammates got """sick""" *note the triple quote*. You see, that person isn't really good on what we are responsible to do in our work that's why I got really irritated when my supervisor asked me if I could render duty the next day. It was not my supervisor's fault but our teammate who reported he got """sick""". You could just imagine how I rushed to review and re-scan my notes and didn't even sleep which I think might really affect my exam results. Exam day came and with 4 hours of sleep, I went to the examination place and saw other people who will also take the exam. After 30 mins of waiting, Kutch called me asking instructions how to get there. After we meet in the place, the proctor asked all of us to come in.

The exam has two versions, maybe intended to be distributed in a manner that seat mates would have different versions to avoid cheating. While answering the exam, I was glad that I know most of the answer to most of the questions but was really disappointed when I saw some questions that I know I could have answered if I reviewed the parts that didn't interest me. I was telling my self "sh*t, I should have reviewed that one. I know this one's easy but sh*t, I messed up the chance." While answering the remaining questions, I was praying to God to pass me even with a low score since it was my fault and then next time I'll review really hard. I finished really fast and noticed Kutch was still answering and most examinees are also busy with their exams which made me think "My God, there might be something wrong because I finished quite fast." Kutch also noticed it and told me about it after the exam.

While walking in the university where the exam was held, Kutch and I were talking about the questions where we got no idea at all and some of the questions where we got confused. We were saying "Dude, were dead." Realizing that there's a very thin chance we could pass.

Fast forward, after 1 month of mental torture that I wasted lots of time, slacked so many times, and will be wasting thousand of pesos the exam result was emailed. And God, I was so suprised because I PASSED! God heard my prayers during the exam :P So I told him again that I'll keep my promise and will review, study hard, and learn a lot from my mistakes and do what I need to do to be good at the exams. My friend on the other hand failed it. He was really close in passing the exam when all the while I was thinking I'll be the one failing it and he'll pass it. I know he's quite frustrated even if he's smiling since he's boss knows about the exam while mine doesn't have a single idea I was reviewing for it. I told him, "Dude, I believe you can do it. You got lots of experience and most of the questions are really quite weird." He then told me he'll just re-take it with the 2nd part. I wish the best for him. So for now, while the 2nd part is not scheduled yet, I study hard to be able to earn that certification. Thank you God.

When I got an email from our one of my Professors through a Yahoo Group about the an examination, I YMed one my classmate about it and he said he'll be taking the exam and has been reviewing. I on the other hand was quite excited about it but at the same time, I'm having doubts whether I should register or not. My classmate has been urging me to take the exam. Atleast the first part of the exam like he plans to. But the problem is... I'm not confident enough and having doubts if I would pass it. You see, I've been using the "technology" quite sometime now and was known in our school as one of the "geeks" who have the patience and enthusiasm to play with it. But even though I have that reputation, I doubt if my skill is enough to pass the exam and I would probably end in same and a thousand pesos poorer than I am right now. I thought about it for two days and browsed the materials available to me and my classmates that our professor provided us during the training. After that, I said to myself, "the heck, I'll just register and then review 'til the payment day and if I'm not sure about it, I'll just not show up on the payment day"

Just now, I received a confirmation email for that certification exam I registered earlier. I won't go into too much details about what exam it is or how much is it. The exam will be held on November here in the Philippines... It's a two-part exam. I'll just take the first part because of the ff. reasons:

1. Uncertainty and doubt in skill. Yeah, everyone must have felt this when they're skill are asked to be put on a test and they themselves are not sure about their skills even if other people believe you can. I remember back in my thesis days where I'm really irritated about how bad my website looks like and the frustrations of knowing I could have done better with my other good ideas if only I have the skill to create those ideas. But, the weird part is, my group mates sees it the other way when they look in my creation. For them, it's simple, very user-friendly and really nice. And most of the people who sees it are quite impressed and my group mates were proud enough to show it off.

2. Fear of Shame. When you are uncertain with your skill and everyone who knows you is 100% sure that your very good at it, you're most likely not to show your skill because you don't want to be laughed at by people or stain your reputation.

3. Not Enough Money. Actually, the exam very cheap compared to other certification and since I have a job, this one shouldn't be a big problem. But still, since I'm not sure about the exam, It would be a waste to pay for the 1st and 2nd part only to fail.